Navigating Post Partum Body Image & How to Boost Your Self Confidence

Hello & Welcome Back!

Today we are diving into all things post partum body image and how to boost your self confidence! The reason for this is that I am now at 10 weeks post partum and on a REAL journey with my body image and adjusting to how my body has changed as a result of having my daughter. So I am learning everyday, and ready to share what I have been experiencing and what I have also been doing to support my journey to be a positive one.

I really don't like talking about body image, largely because it does become a rabbit hole that gets a little bit complicated because, that’s exactly what it is, complicated, no two women are the same, no two body image experiences are the same and no two post partum bodies are the same. And with the way the media has portrayed women over the decades, I personally have grown up surrounded by photoshopped women in magazines and an unhealthy diet culture. BUT I share my experiences now on this journey, as always, in the hope that it will support another mama feel seen, heard and not alone. I am no expert but and this is my own experience and what is helping me as I navigate where I am right now and where I am going.

My two pregnancies were both really different and so were my post partum bodies. My mindset was also in two very different places after having my son five years and ago now after having my daughter. I feel like I have been at two opposite ends of the scale in terms of weight gain, motivation to exercise, self confidence and mindset.

So I wouldn't say I have ever fully loved my body, I grew up a tomboy, playing football which I adored, but I was still surrounded by this diet culture and even women's health magazines that portrayed unrealistic expectations of women's bodies. Even down to sitting in the dentist waiting room seeing women being shamed on the cover in their bikini's. So I have really had to adjust my expectations of what a healthy body looks like, especially for myself. Those years of magazine conditioning and photoshopped shit had me feeling like my body was always too athletic and never quite skinny enough. But it never took away my love for the gym, for exercise, for running and for feeling like I had a healthy body.

So, when my wedding was on the horizon a few years back, me, my husband and my best friend signed up to an Olympic triathlon, I saw it as an opportunity to get into great shape and also complete an amazing fitness challenge. Once the training begun, I realised that this was going to be the hardest thing I had ever trained for and I needed to be consistently training 4/5 times a week. I was officially the fittest I had ever been in my life, I lived for how amazing I felt in my body. But I had trained so hard and so consistently the second it was over I didn't set foot in the gym again. Even when my wedding rolled around 6 weeks later I could feel my dress ever so slightly tighter.

So, when I fell pregnant with my daughter, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to just enjoy relaxing and enjoy food again, I was all gung ho with the mindset that I would just lose it once my little one was here, be back in the gym, start eating healthy again etc. all the best intentions etc. Safe to say, I put on more weight than I anticipated, and having a caesarean, meant that my recovery was much slower than it was after my first baby.

So, back to present day, baby is here, 10 weeks old, post caesarean and I am a few stone heavier, a few dress sizes higher, and have a completely different body than I did pre baby with absolutely zero motivation to exercise other than walking. 

& I have a few things to share about this current status;

1.Yes it was a shock, I was expecting to have a copy and paste level of motivation from my first post partum journey and be so excited to get back in the gym. But I don’t, and that’s okay.

2. Some days I love my body and worship it for the two beautiful babies it carried, my children are the greatest gift I could have ever been blessed with, and my body grew them and birthed them into this world. Some days I am fully aware of that and love my body. Other days, I look at my body and don’t recognise it, I struggle with its changes and get really adamant that I am going to change it. Both responses are completely normal and natural responses, my body is still in transition, internally it is still recovering from surgery and it can take two years for that to go back to normal. The fact of the matter is also that my body has never looked like it does right now, this is new, this is change and that takes some adapting, some compassion, some kindness and those things can be a conscious practice. So I need to do exactly that, consciously practice.

My mindset towards my body is a choice, i can choose to love it, or I can choose to hate it, and I can choose whether I want to do anything about it. You can also be so grateful for your body and want to change it at the same time, so that's where I am. Embracing the duality of consciously choosing to love and be grateful for my body, while taking steps to build in healthy habits that support be going back to feeling confident and at home in my body.

3. Clothes make a HUGE difference. I had this moment in both my post partum experiences, mainly my boobs because of Breastfeeding but my pre baby clothes NOT fitting post baby is a humbling experience. & when I tried to squeeze into them or wear them regardless I felt horrific. I looked terrible and I felt terrible. I was not dressing for my body shape and it was affecting me massively because I felt like I looked like shit. So being summertime, and going on holiday, I wanted to feel nice and I missed jeans. I wanted a pair of jeans, I had lived in leggings for the last year, hand me a pair of jeans. So I went to h&m, and I picked up 3 pairs of jeans. All different sizes and I said to myself, fuck the size. It's just a number and it doesn't define me. I will try them all on and I will buy the pair I feel good in, the pair I feel like I look good in, and that's exactly what I did. Holy crap on a cracker did it make a difference, buying clothes that actually fit, dressing for my current body shape and treating myself to something new. Hello confidence boost. It made me enjoy my body, feel comfortable in my body because I was almost listening to what it needed to feel good.

4. Focusing on my own journey - aka I did not pay attention to social media and anything that included the term "bouncing back" - social media is a difficult one because there are some wonderful, honest accounts on there that share the highs and lows of post partum bodies, the honest, reality and even how to dress for different body shapes too which I really admire; however, there are other posts that can set unrealistic expectations for women to be back to their pre-baby body within a certain number of weeks or months, and they can just make us feel like something is wrong with us, or we should be back to that by now, all of the things because we haven't done what they have done, and I personally like to avoid those posts. We have just stepped into a brand new chapter of our lives, and for many mamas, being back in the gym, losing weight, or bouncing back is not high up on the priority list. For me personally, regulating my nervous system, getting used to my hormones fluctuating, getting into a breastfeeding routine, recovering from my C-section all of these things were far more important than losing weight. So I would say that I became consciously aware of what I was consuming on social media and how it was making me feel about myself and my own journey.  

5. Consciously doing things to make me feel good about myself - I always say the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself and so how you feel about yourself, even if it is your appearance, your hair, anything! if it impacts how you feel and how you show up for yourself, then its important. And being really honest, if I don’t like how I look, my mood can become a sliding scale and my negative self talk can start creeping in too as I address the things about how I look that I am not enjoying, and as a mama, things like looking tired, looking run down, looking ill even, are a big thing for me. So the other day, I got really fed up looking dry, dull and tired, that was how I described myself to the beautiful soul who gave me a facial. And I honestly didn’t feel an ounce of mum guilt for doing it, because the boost it gave me, rippled into everyone and everything around, my energy was on a brand new level and I felt like a new woman. Just a facial, did that for me and the positive ripple effect was so worth it. So it might feel like a small thing, but the effect is huge, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for taking time for you, especially if it is going to give you the boost you need, because there is no negative to it!

6. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good! Talking of things that make you feel good, oh my good lord spending quality time with my soul sisters, is like a new lease of life, my cup is so so full from spending time with them. I can be my pure, messy, emotional, unfiltered self and I just feel seen and held. They remind me of how incredible and wonderful I am as a human, a woman, an individual a mother and when I am tearing myself down, remind me to be kind. I know they mean the kind words they say to me, especially because they see my beauty through different eyes. Eyes that are different to mine, and so they give me that shift in perspective. The perspective I desperately needed, the reminders I desperately needed, they lift me up. So surround yourself with those people and distance anyone who doesn't make you feel like that. Because our own negative chatter is enough, we don't need any echoes round here.

7. Be Patient - Small progress is still progress and it is so important for me to enjoy the process, because if I don’t I will just be sad, critical and not a fun person to be around. It is important for me to still enjoy food, not feel restricted, but knowing that I am consciously choosing to put good food into my body and move my body in a way that feels right to me at the moment. I am not forcing anything that doesn’t feel right, and essentially, just listening to my body, tuning in and understanding what my body needs right now. Wouldn't we rather be happy, positive mamas who get to have a positive relationship with our bodies and build self confidence? Than the opposite? I know I would.

So to wrap this up, remember that every BODY is different, and post partum can be a minefield, there is so much that goes into your post partum journey, that just being kind to yourself is massive, understanding that the things that make you feel good about you, and do them without guilt! Consciously choose to love yourself and meet yourself where you're at, even on the days when you're finding it hard to accept your body. Understand how you can best enjoy the journey you're on whilst having patience for where you want to go. This is also your reminder, that you are an incredible woman, and an incredible mama, you deserve to have self confidence and a positive relationship with your body.

Love you, love your body, love the process.